Here are some signs that you're holding stress in your body without even knowing it

EMILY BRIGHT: April is Stress Awareness Month. You'd probably be hard pressed to find someone who doesn't deal with stress at least sometimes, so felt like a good idea to talk about it. We have Mayo Clinic Family Physician, Dr. Jay-Sheree Allen back with us today with some tips on how to identify and release stress from our lives. Dr. Jay, thanks for being here.

JAY-SHEREE ALLEN: Thank you so much for having me.

EMILY BRIGHT: Glad to have you. So I joked that people are well aware of stress, but we aren't always aware of the stress that we're holding in our bodies. So what are some of the physical signs you might notice that could clue you in that you're feeling stressed?

JAY-SHEREE ALLEN: Absolutely. So some of those physical signs-- the heart starts pounding, that fast sort of breathing sensation. And you even get this boost of energy sometimes.

And I think it's important to understand why the body gets to that point of stress to even understand some of those sort of reactions. And remember, we've all heard this kind of joke, the cavemen being prepared to run from the bear sort of deal, right? But the body is literally thinking it's under attack. And so it really has to switch to this fight or flight mode.

And that causes a release of a complex set of hormones and chemicals-- adrenaline, and cortisol, and norepinephrine to prepare the body for physical action. So behind the scenes, that's really what's happening.

EMILY BRIGHT: So clearly, there are times when stress could be useful, could save your life. But in general, not a lot of us getting chased by bears. So what does that stress do to us over time?

JAY-SHEREE ALLEN: So that can be really detrimental to us over time, honestly. And I love that you mentioned stress can be healthy in good, healthy proportions. It can motivate us, challenge us, push us a little. But if we're kept in these periods of stress for long or extended times, things like cardiovascular disease-- so affecting our heart rate to the point that we stress our hearts a bit too much, even a rise in our blood pressure that can be sustained over time is not healthy.

These elevated levels of cortisol can cause an increase in blood sugar levels, which we know will cause a big issue. And then also, decrease in libido, believe it or not. It's a thing from stress.

EMILY BRIGHT: Yeah. So what can people do to make things less stressful? Certainly saying, well, just relax, don't worry about it-- that doesn't help.

JAY-SHEREE ALLEN: Oh my god. That's like my pet peeve. I hate when people say that. So no, it's important not to just dismiss it or shoo it away to the side, right?

So I tell my patients all the time, there are no better medications out there for you than the sun-- with sunscreen-- but the sun and exercise, honestly. Those two things do so much for you.

So physical activity, I think, is the biggest one in trying to combat stress. And you don't need to have a personal trainer and show up to the gym at 4:00 AM every morning, right? Just like 30 minutes, four maybe five times per week if you can swing it, I think will be very helpful.

A brisk walk, or stretching, yoga, whatever it is that gets your body moving. Then, of course, eating well. And again, my patients know me-- the less time your food has had to spend in a factory before it got to your plate, the better.

So you don't need to be vegan. You don't need to be vegetarian. I just want you to make healthier choices, regardless of what you choose to eat. And of course, good sleep hygiene, that's also another big one.

EMILY BRIGHT: Exercise, healthy food, and sleep-- this sounds like the trifecta that we keep coming back to. So let's talk about self care. Sometimes, people talk about it as though it requires a bubble bath or buy this product. And tell me more about self care.

JAY-SHEREE ALLEN: I'm here laughing. If those things work for you, then fine. I say, to each his own. But honestly, I think when you're really talking about stress, you've got to get to the root of the issue.

So stress on anxiety, which we'll talk about later, stress is usually caused from an external source, or force, or issue. You can work out as much as you want, take all the bubble baths you want, eat as well as you want, but it's probably in your best interest to just address the root of what is causing that stress in your life.

And sometimes that means having some very tough and uncomfortable conversations and facing some hard truths-- the deep work that sometimes be really uncomfortable and really unsettling. But genuinely, I think just getting to the bottom of what is at the source of this dress is going to be the best thing for you.

EMILY BRIGHT: Yeah, now, there are also some stressors that we just can't escape-- things that we can't control in our lives. So how do we cope with those things?

JAY-SHEREE ALLEN: And that's hard. That's hard. I think that kind of brings me to this James Baldwin quote that I really love that says, not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced.

And that's what I think about the stress that you can't do much about. There's kind of this theory, the 15% solution-- you actually have control over about 15% of your life. Everything else, you either need to ask someone about it, get permission, consult, talk to someone. But that 15%, really try to hone in on that and focus on the things that are within your control, and even things that you cannot escape-- if it means just reframing the way you think about it, and whether that's utilizing professional services like a cognitive behavioral therapist or speaking with a trusted friend or partner, I think that can be helpful as well.

EMILY BRIGHT: And you mentioned anxiety. We should clarify-- what's the difference between stress and anxiety?

JAY-SHEREE ALLEN: Yeah. There's a fine line. There's a fine line. And I know sometimes the terms are used interchangeably, but they are not the same thing at all. So stress, as I mentioned, is typically caused by an external trigger.

And this can be something short term, like a work deadline, or maybe you had like a disagreement with a loved one, versus a long term stressor caused by a chronic illness or something of that sort. Anxiety, though, on the other hand, that is a persistent excessive worry that does not go away even in the absence of a stressor.

So you actually don't need a reason to be anxious about something or to have a condition of generalized anxiety disorder. Compared to stress, there's something. There's an external trigger.

EMILY BRIGHT: Yeah. Yeah, that's helpful. So I want to make sure to talk about kids, because they get stressed too, but it looks different, right?

JAY-SHEREE ALLEN: It does. It does. And remember with kids too, stress can vary based on their age, their personality, their coping skills. So with kids, I think the big key is to watch for drastic or sudden changes from their previous behaviors. So if they were once functioning a certain way and doing a certain thing, and then that's drastically changed, that's a big key for kids. But things like emotional outbursts, or increased irritability, trouble sleeping, they're withdrawing, increased defiance-- my head hurts, my stomach hurts-- those sorts of things, they can be signs of stress in children.

But they can also be signs of other things. So the big key with children, there's a drastic change.

EMILY BRIGHT: And briefly, what are we parents to do when we see those signs in kids?

JAY-SHEREE ALLEN: Oh, lord, that's like the million dollar question.

EMILY BRIGHT: Hit me with the big ones.

JAY-SHEREE ALLEN: I wouldn't be talking to you if I had that answer. But, no, I think a couple of things. Once you recognize that something is going on, focus on two or three of the behaviors only. If you start to reprimand your child for every single thing that they are doing and saying that you don't agree with or support, that's going to be really hard on the relationship.

So focus on two or three of the behaviors or those drastic changes, and then start to work with your child through the reasons for that. Other things-- routines are good for kids, finding time to talk where they feel they have your undivided attention-- the TV's not in the background. You're not checking work email on your phone. Really sit and let them know they've got your attention. Those are some big steps.

EMILY BRIGHT: Well, these are all big topics. And thank you so much for your time, Dr. Jay.

JAY-SHEREE ALLEN: Thank you for having me. That was Dr. Jay-Sheree Shari Allen she's a family medicine physician at the Mayo Clinic and host of the podcast Millennial Health find that wherever you get your podcasts.