New cookbook from Minnesota support group merges grief and food

CATHY WURZER: A meal at the dinner table with friends and family is one of the ways we can connect with people in a meaningful way. Food connects us. Now, when someone dies, it's common to bring food to provide care, and comfort, and love, right? Well, now, there's a new cookbook that's helping cherish the memories of loved ones we have lost. Good Grief! What's for Dinner? Is a collection of more than 200 recipes curated by The Grief Club of Minnesota. Annie Sperling helped put together the cookbook with her widow group at The Grief Club. And Annie's on the line right now. Thanks for taking the time.

ANNIE SPERLING: Hi, Cathy. Thanks so much for having me.

CATHY WURZER: And congratulations. It takes a long time, doesn't it, to get something like this together.

ANNIE SPERLING: It really does. I think that this whole vision started about a year and a half ago, and it really did take that long for everything to come to fruition. But here we are, and we are just so pleased with the outcome.

CATHY WURZER: What was the spark for the project?

ANNIE SPERLING: I think it all kind of came into being-- we I believe the ideation came about when we had learned that a men's group, which is-- so let me just take a step back. So as part of The Grief Club of Minnesota, I belong to a women's grief group. And it's a young widows group. And there's also a men's group that meets. And so I believe it all came about when we'd found out that the men's group had been struggling with a very similar question to what we had been struggling with. And that question was, what's for dinner? And I think it's true we all hate that question.

But anyway, that's when the thought of creating a cookbook had come into being. And so I ran with the idea. And like I said, it took about a year and a half from start to finish. But as you mentioned, we collected 200 delicious recipes from people across our community. And many of the recipes were submitted in honor or in memory of a loved one. And throughout the cookbook, you will read heartfelt anecdotes about their loved ones, which I absolutely love because not only are you getting a glimpse into what the person meant to their family or friend, but you're also gaining a sense of who that person was and why that recipe serves as such a fond memory.

CATHY WURZER: And I want to talk about Adam, your husband.

ANNIE SPERLING: Yes.

CATHY WURZER: I want people to know about him. And I know he died of a brain tumor, a glioblastoma, right? Is that correct?

ANNIE SPERLING: That is correct, yes. Yes.

CATHY WURZER: Tell me about him. Who was he? Who was he? What was he like?

ANNIE SPERLING: Adam, he was funny. He was witty. He was very bright. He had a beautiful smile. And people loved him. They loved being around him. He was kind. He just had a-- he loved life. He really did. And when he was diagnosed in 2018, that vibrant sense of life and that laughter never faded. He was such a fighter. And so he battled with glioblastoma for 20 months. He was diagnosed with grade four glioblastoma in April of 2018, as I mentioned. And he loved food.

CATHY WURZER: He loved food.

ANNIE SPERLING: He did. He did love food. Yes.

CATHY WURZER: I love that you, on the first anniversary of his death, because, folks, it's hard, that first anniversary. The second anniversary, I think is hardest. But the first anniversary is also very difficult. And I love that you got his favorite foods from his favorite New York City restaurants on the first anniversary of his passing. Tell me about that.

ANNIE SPERLING: Yes. Yes. We thought, what better way to honor his memory and to celebrate who he was and what he loved most, aside from his family, of course. But he did have some favorite places to go when we lived in the city. And we wound up ordering in babka from Russ and Daughters. And we wound up ordering in pastrami from Pastrami Queen and some of his favorite bagels and lox. And we just did whatever we could to keep his spirit alive for that day. It really meant a lot for us to do that.

CATHY WURZER: Do you get in the kitchen with the kids and make something that he might have made?

ANNIE SPERLING: Yes. We do that often, actually. I think one of his favorite things was his own pasta sauce that he would make from scratch. And I hate to say, he did not have a recipe for that sauce. But I feel like I've done a fairly decent job of trying to replicate that for the kids, which we have aptly named, Daddy Sauce. So whenever the kids are hungry for spaghetti, they'll say, Mom, can you make Daddy Sauce? But that spaghetti sauce happens to be a favorite in our house.

And we also-- well, he also loved chocolate chip cookies with vanilla ice cream sandwiched in between. So I would make homemade chocolate chip cookies, and he enjoyed that. He enjoyed that very much. So I think those two things are probably two of our family's favorite and probably two of the recipes that conjure up the most heartfelt memories of him and our time together with him.

CATHY WURZER: And when you're cooking, do you actively talk about him?

ANNIE SPERLING: We do. Depending on what we're making, I think he his name comes up a lot. His name comes up a lot in conversations in general, which has always been important for me. Especially with the kids having been so young when Adam died, I think being able to talk about him and to share what his life was like and about the things we did together, I think it's really important in order for us to carry out his legacy.

But we do talk about him, especially when we make spaghetti. And of course, his name comes up at various times throughout the year, and when we're eating different meals, be it a Super Bowl party or a delicious restaurant that we had that we had maybe tried when we were dating or living in the city. So those are things that definitely come up.

CATHY WURZER: I'm glad you mentioned his name. You talk about him. I'm glad in the cookbook that it's not just recipes. It's people's memories of their loved ones in there, too, which keeps them-- their spirit alive, that they are they're remembered and they're still a part of our world down here.

ANNIE SPERLING: Absolutely. I think grief and food share a relationship that spans across many centuries and cultures. And we'll hear often about people who are struggling or living with cancer or some debilitating disease, or we hear of a family or a friend who's experienced the death of a loved one. And I think our instincts kick in. And that instinct is let's deliver a meal. Let's send it over a plate of brownies or a cake or something to offer comfort and support, something to nourish the soul. And so I do think that food plays such an important role. And we will continue to enjoy our meals and think of him when we do.

CATHY WURZER: By the way, how can people get this cookbook?

ANNIE SPERLING: Yes, so the cookbook can actually be purchased through the website of The Grief Club of Minnesota, and the website is griefclubmn.org/cookbook. And the cookbook sells for $35. All proceeds go to benefit The Grief Club of Minnesota and the efforts that they put into to helping grieving families, grieving children, and their journey of loss after the death of somebody that they that they love. And so they are an amazing organization.

They have licensed counselors who dedicate their lives to supporting these young families and children. And so it is an organization that is unlike many and certainly one in the state of Minnesota that is much needed. The statistics are-- I believe that they are 1 in every 13 children experience the loss of a parent by the time they are 18.

CATHY WURZER: I've heard that. Wow.

ANNIE SPERLING: Yes, I do believe that that's the statistic. But it's a very difficult statistic. And you hate to be to be one of those statistics. But this group is amazing. So anyway, the cookbook goes to support their efforts.

CATHY WURZER: And that's Grief Club of Minnesota. Annie--

ANNIE SPERLING: Yes.

CATHY WURZER: Thank you for taking time. It's a lovely project. Take care of yourself.

ANNIE SPERLING: Thank you. Thank you, Cathy. Pleasure being with you today.

CATHY WURZER: Likewise.

ANNIE SPERLING: Annie Sperling is one of the curators of the cookbook, Good Grief! What's for Dinner? from The Grief Club of Minnesota.