How to make small talk at holiday parties

It's the most wonderful time of the year — it's the holidays!

Oh wait, that means holiday parties. Where you have to mingle and — shudder — make small talk with strangers.

Correction: It's the most awful time of the year.

But it doesn't have to be.

Susanne Jones, an associate professor of communication studies at the University of Minnesota, and ComedySportz artistic director Doug Neithercott are here to share their tips on how to make small talk.

Dos and Don'ts

Do

• Be interested in the other person and ask people questions about themselves. "People love to talk about themselves," Jones says. "Ask questions about 'how you've been, what's new, what's going at work, what you've been doing' ... all of those are good."

• Listen. A lot of small talk isn't about talking at all but listening, Neithercott says. Try to connect your life experiences to theirs.

• Watch for cues that the other person is engaged or ready to end the conversation. For example, if someone goes from sentence answers to one-word answers, they're probably ready to walk away.

• Thank someone for the conversation when it ends.

• Smile, relax and be yourself.

Don't:

• Put a number (in minutes) on how long you talk to someone.

• Overshare. Nobody wants to know about that rash you got (or to see it, for that matter).

• Make stuff up. "Your life is just as interesting as everyone else's," Neithercott says.

Great conversation starters

So ... how about that weather, huh?

It's true, Minnesotans love to talk about weather. But that's not all we like to talk about.

In general, Neithercott recommends thinking about the kinds of questions that you're comfortable answering and sharing.

Here are a few examples to get you going:

• "How do you know the host?"

• "What are your hobbies?"

• "How do you spend your day?"

That last one may seem like a strange question, but Neithercott elaborates: If someone isn't currently working, they may not have an answer to "What do you do?" But asking how someone spends their day opens up a world of possibilities — they can talk about their hobbies and more.

And if all else fails, at least you can talk about the weather.

Avoid these conversation killers

Hot-button topics.

That generally means religion, politics and sensitive family issues.

Making small talk isn't the time for heated debates or bringing up grudges.

"When you're talking small talk, pleasant is nice. That's why they call them pleasantries," Neithercott says.

Oversharing personal details

Don't ask questions that are too personal.

Don't veer into TMI territory, either. That story about your colonoscopy is better reserved for your significant other.

Or maybe just your doctor.

And ... how to bow out gracefully

You've been talking for several minutes and now it's time to bow out. Instead of an abrupt "Well, see you later," try these:

• "I see my friend across the room. I'm going to go touch base with them. It's been great talking to you."

• "My glass is empty. I'm going to get a refill. It was nice talking to you."

• "Excuse me, but I need to go use the restroom. It was so nice talking to you."

Tips for common scenarios