On 'the art of being alone'

What does it mean to be lonely?

That question is at the center of "Lonely City," Olivia Laing's meditation on solitary lives.

Laing's own loneliness inspired the book: She writes about the years she spent in New York City in her mid-30s, wandering the streets and the art galleries. She became intrigued by the idea of loneliness in art, and the book focuses on how it shaped Edward Hopper's iconic Nighthawks painting, and the work of Andy Warhol and Henry Darger.

Laing joined MPR News host Kerri Miller to talk about "Lonely City," and the shame sometimes associated with being alone.

"I think it's such a primal, deep human fear that we will be alone, that people won't want us, that people won't want to be around us," Laing said. "There's an idea that even the non-lonely might be somehow infected by the lonely — that it will creep out and capture them too."

In her research, and her own life, she came to understand better the difference between "alone" and "lonely."

"Being alone can be a really positive state — people can really enjoy being alone," Laing said. "Being lonely is a lack of intimacy. It's a desire for more closeness or contact than you have, and that can happen whether you're physically isolated, whether you're with friends, even in a marriage. Marriages can sometimes be intensely lonely places."

"Coming to a happiness or contentment with being alone is a real prize — that's something wonderful to get from life, whereas loneliness is much more about lack and longing."

For the full discussion with Olivia Laing on "The Lonely City," use the audio player above.