What is ‘real’ self-care?

It’s tough to get through the day without hearing the words “self-care.” Search #selfcare on any social media platform and you will be flooded with millions of posts. You may see expensive spa treatments, someone spending time alone in nature, exercise workshops, green juices, or even a luxury vacation.  

While the saying “treat yo’self” may come to mind when you think about self-care, experts argue it’s not about self-indulgence or access to an expensive splurge.

Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, a board-certified psychiatrist who specializes in women’s mental health, wants us to shift our thinking about self-care. Her new book “Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included),” covers what self-care is and what it isn’t and shares four key principles necessary to perform self-care:

1. Setting boundaries and learning how to deal with guilt.

2. Talking to yourself with compassion.

3. Identifying your values, and then making decisions aligned with your values.

4. Asserting your power, and claiming what’s yours. 

In a talk at the Westminster Town Hall Forum in Minneapolis, Lakshmin said the principle focused on values is the most difficult one. She said that to practice self-care, a person needs to “identify your values, and then actually make decisions aligned with your values — not your mom’s values, not your best friend’s values, but your values.”

Lakshmin pushed the audience to ask themselves: What do your values mean to you, and what does it look like when you embody them?

She explained academic research around human wellbeing is often divided into two approaches: hedonic wellbeing and eudaimonic wellbeing. The hedonic wellbeing is ​focused on pleasure and feeling good. The eudaimonic wellbeing is focused on living a meaningful life.

In her book and related talks, Lakshmin says people who pursue eudaimonic wellbeing and verbalize their values typically are able to take a step further and align their behaviors with that internal meaning… and generally feel happier.

She urges that self-care is a whole lot easier to define and achieve after you’ve done some internal work to figure out what matters most in your life.

To learn more about Dr. Pooja Lakshimin and her book, visit her website.

Listen to her talk at the Westminster Town Hall Forum: Mental Health Lessons from Around the World.

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