To get through the election, 2 therapists prescribe connection
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Elections are always stressful. But this year’s has been especially anxiety producing for many people, according to a recent American Psychological Association study.
It found that seven out of 10 adults are especially worried about the future of the nation; Democrats and Republicans both feel this unease.
For some, that anxiety, fear and anger may increase if their preferred candidate loses. And if that candidate wins, how might their supporters show compassion for the losing side?
In a time of extreme political polarization, MPR News spoke with two experts about how people can emotionally survive the 2024 election and preserve relationships with people who voted differently, regardless of the outcome.
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Family and marriage therapists Bill Doherty and Corey Yeager have some tips for how to navigate these situations. Doherty is co-founder of Braver Angels, which seeks to restore trust, respect and goodwill in American politics, and Yeager has worked extensively with professional athletes, whose experiences of winning and losing bear many lessons for politics.
Here are Doherty and Yeager’s tips for managing emotions and relationships while awaiting the election’s results and thereafter.
If you’re happy with the outcome of the election, connect with people in your life who aren’t
Chances are really good there’s someone in your life who will be devastated once the results are in. Doherty said that rather than boast about the results, reach out to your loved ones who may be afraid of what comes next.
“One of the things I encourage is to reach out to somebody who was on the losing side and ask them how they’re doing, and just listen to them,” he said.
It’s also important to understand that what may not seem scary to you may seem very scary to someone close to you, he said.
“A lot of people don’t take the fears of others seriously,” said Doherty. “They think it’s a talking point, or you’re consciously exaggerating to make your point. And I have come to believe that the fears that people have of Democrats or Republicans being in charge are real.”
Yeager said the good sportsmanship standards professional athletes try to uphold are relevant.
“We speak a lot about winning gracefully,” he said. “So how do you win and not gloat, but engage and support the other players on the court?”
Treat losing like an opportunity to learn
Yeager said he advises athletes to think of a loss as a chance to improve their game or skills. The same can be said for losing in politics, even when we’re mad at the other side for winning.
“I think us focusing more on that learning is probably the space that we want to occupy,” he said. “How do we switch that, move into more of an ‘All right, let me trigger some learning here that will help us as we move forward.’”
Doherty said that bitterness is bad for people and their relationships.
“I think it is important to resist the temptation towards bitterness and to accept that there’s learnings from defeat, and the learning is often not just keep doing more of the same,” he said.
If the results are delayed, try to avoid catastrophic thinking
With an incredibly close race between Vice President Kamala Harris and former President Donald Trump, it’s possible election results won’t be available for several days or even weeks.
Yeager said that it’s important to stay calm in the face of uncertainty and avoid catastrophizing.
“Our mind may move us in that direction, but we have a choice,” he said. “With anxiety, therapeutically, one of the things that I’m going to do with a person is say, ‘All right, let’s slow our thinking down a bit here, right? We’re trying to get out ahead of ourselves.’”
Doherty said pre-empting a catastrophic and distrustful mindset is helpful.
He likened waiting for the results to the experience of waiting for a medical diagnosis. The results can allow one to move into a new frame of mind.
“Now I can start to problem solve,” Doherty said. “I can start to get in gear.”
Remember that individuals and their beliefs are more complicated than politicians and party platforms
People have complex political beliefs that are informed by life experiences, said Doherty. Just because they vote for someone doesn’t mean that they rubber stamp everything they stand for.
Understanding that complexity in people who vote differently than you do can help preserve relationships.
“One of the mistakes we make is to assume that if you vote for Trump or you vote for Harris, then you subscribe to everything they believe and you love their personality,” said Doherty. “What happens is… I assign [them] all of the negative traits and misguided policies that I assigned to [the candidate]. And then that just overloads the circuits.”
Yeager said that if people are considering cutting ties with friends and family over the outcome of the election, it’s good to have a reality check.
“The most important people in this world are not the politicians of my life. They’re my family and my friends,” said Yeager. “They don’t all agree, and that’s okay, so building in reminders to myself today and tomorrow that I love those people and I want success for them, regardless of the outcome.”